Things that make me laugh…

Natalie Imbruglia at the Secret Policeman’s Ball.

Stick with it. It is mildly amusing.

His Girl Friday

If your area is anything like mine, your local Blockbusters is now a cheap mall called ‘Kwality Goods.’ Presumably, they don’t sell a spell checker in the mall. As a result, I have to find movies that I want to watch online. I figured that if they are not pirated new movies, I’m in the clear. Also, Cary Grant is lovely and everyone should have access to him, regardless of what their Blockbusters was replaced with.  

Alberto Gonzales resigns and hopefully recalls this memory on Monday morning.

Yay.

Sunday 12th August 2007.

It’s been a while. But absence makes the heart grow fonder, doesn’t it? And a change is as good as the rest, so they say, which is why, dear Patchers, the wind of change is about to caress The Patch. Cliches aside, we have decided to try a different approach in our reporting in the hope that we will return to our former 7-days-a-week-baby glory, filling your lives in ways only we can.

In laymans terms, there will be no ‘days’ for particular subjects anymore, nor will us Patchists be confined to reporting one subject. And we’ll see how that works.

Me, I fancy revisiting my old haunt, Celebrity, today, because Amy Winehouse is troubling me.

Wednesday 1st August- Some things change, others stay the same.

On the 1st August 2007, Gordon Brown obtained a moral and foreign policy victory during his visit to the States, by securing enough votes to send a 26000 strong UN peacekeeping force to Sudan. Of course, there needs to be a political solution to the problem to ensure a lasting peace and hopes run high for a meeting between the warring factions on Friday and the deployment of these troops was indeed watered down to suit the Chinese government’s interests in Sudan. However, it is undeniable that the deployment of these troops is the most progress the international community has made in stopping what key political figures have been referring to as genocide for the past two years. The ethnic cleansing of Sudan by the Janjaweed rebel forces has been going on for four years now and the 7000 strong African Union troops have been struggling to restore peace. The deployment of these troops marks a clear victory for Brown as the series of groundwork laid by foreign office staff in the run up to his visit to the UN and the personal intervention of Brown in persuading China to agree to the resolution, resulted in the most positive steps the UN has taken in alleviating the violence that has claimed at least 200 000 lives. Nevertheless, the success was limited as the force does not have the power to disarm militias or track suspected war criminals, and Brown’s threat of implementing UN sanctions if the Sudanese government failed to comply was omitted from the resolution. The UN troops will be the largest peacekeeping force in the world and will be mainly drawn from African nations, thus removing a key factor behind the Sudanese government’s initial opposition to the force. The meeting on Friday will hopefully result in a peace deal that will end the violence and allow the displaced refugees in the Darfur camps to return home in safety.

On the 1st August 2007, Perez Hilton wrote a blog post about a picture of Matthew Perry on which the celebrity blogger wrote ‘baked.’ This man (Perez Hilton, not Perry who is now my second favourite character on Studio 60) is the dregs of society yet is given money and attention from celebrities like Victoria Beckham to write his disgusting and sometimes, near illiterate, blog posts. His idea of news is scribbling on pictures of celebrities. Even my 6 year old niece has better writing skills than Hilton, and she spells my name as “Dhsd”. I refuse to link to his site as it offends me deeply and the man will not get any traffic from the Patch. It just makes me sad that on a day when a remarkable achievement has been made in ensuring peace in Sudan, there is someone out there who will never know because Perez Hilton chose to write about how ‘baked’ Matthew Perry looks. Cunt.

Tuesday 19th June 2007.

Apologies for the lack of me around these parts recently. End of year University essays have taken precedent and left me with precious little time in which to look for Celebrity and Televisual news. But, for the few of you that might have inexplicably missed my ramblings, I am back. Aren’t you overjoyed?

Wednesday 30th May 2007 - Big Brother is back.

So then, Big Brother is back. And though I’m quite aware that the mostly Celebrity orientation of The Patch recently is making us start to resemble Heat Magazine, I don’t care much, and therefore here is our rundown on Big Brother 8 so far.

Tuesday 29th May 2007.

So, this week sees the return of Big Brother, and as acting Entertainment correspondant and a scarily huge fan of the show I will report on that tomorrow for you.

However, Big Brother isn’t the only reality TV show hitting headlines this week. No, some of you may have seen that a new Dutch show is causing a bit of a fuss, too.

Tuesday 22nd May 2007.

Well hello Patchers. All has been quiet on the Patchly front this past week, so despite my immense need to finish an essay on the construction of arguments in Sonnets, I intend to inform you of some very, very shocking televisual news.

Tuesday 15th May.

It’s Tuesday again, meaning it’s Celebrity/TV time again. Yay, or something.

Sunday 13th May- The Bumper Eurovision Round Up

Get out the glittery lycra, bring on the vodka and find yourself a comfortable position infront of the television. Yes folks, it’s that time of year again, and like every other blog worth its bandwidth, The Patch has its very own lowdown to the 2007 Eurovision Song contest. Predictions for this year? Well the BBC says that the Ukraine should win, and common sense says that we’ll once again find ourselves towards the bottom of the league table. Infact, as good old Terry has pointed out, the contest is pretty much dominated by the Eastern bloc this year, which means anyone else is definitely going to be on the right hand side of that leaderboard tonight. We shall see, maybe the year has changed countries. I’ll be seriously disappointed if so, mind.

Tuesday 8th May - It’s not UK News but I like it.

So, this week then, exciting news for Take That fans (all 6 of us) as a Take That musical has been announced. The unofficial West End production, ‘Never Forget’, almost made me wee myself with delight when I read about it. Sorry for that mental image, but it’s a brilliant idea.

Moving on