The Patch

January 13, 2007

The Student Disease

Filed under: Miscellany — Ames @ 12:45 am

That’s it, I’m detoxing. After a particularly heavy party season, which culminated in my cream bedsheets being introduced to my tomato pasta sauce dinner, I have decided that I need to get back on the wagon. New Year is now over, so there is absolutely no reason for me to fail this time. Except for the whole ‘being a student’ thing…

What is it about student life that turns even the lightest drinker into a raging alcoholic? Turn up to a club on any designated student night (or, if you’re really brave, the student union itself) and you will be confronted by contorting masses who would look more at place in an alcoholic’s orgy. This, arguably, could be considered one of the reasons one starts to drink. When sober, such nights look something like a materialisation of hell. A couple of Snakebites and Sambuca shots later and this scene can turn into the ‘bessssssst night out EVERRRRRR!’ as you consume your entire weekly allowance (and more) in the space of three hours.

Sure, it’s fun at the time. But the next morning the same question will undoubtedly arise: why did I spend £15 and risk liver failure for, well, the sake of getting hammered? Every time I have to (literally) hold open my eyes through lectures, or avoid all foodstuffs at risk of it seeing the toilet bowl not too long afterwards, I ask myself the same question. I have yet to come up with a plausible answer. It always goes back to the same old thing; ‘it’s fun… at the time’.

And so it is (with the exception of when it deteriorates to the level of ‘public protein spill’). It means that you can say whatever you want, with the acceptable excuse of being drunk to explain it all the next morning. It means you can dance like an utter twat, but nobody cares because a) you’re drunk, and b) they’re equally as drunk. Pulling a randomer is no longer an act of indecency, but an alcohol fuelled assertion of independence. It means that your transformation into Kleptomaniac is not the sign of having criminal tendencies, but simply a normal way to save money on replacing those glasses you broke yesterday. Also when drunk.

The question is- why should we need alcohol to do such things? With, perhaps, the exception of building up your collection of stolen shot glasses, all of the above are perfectly reasonable acts. We should be able to voice our minds, dance like we don’t care and get off with whomever we wish without having to have the excuse of intoxication to justify it all. And if we don’t want to do such things, then, well, at least without the mind-blurring qualities of ethanol, we can chose to make ourselves stop. OK, with all the stresses and strains of student life (stolen food, suspect hairs clogging the shower, the prospect of having to actually do some work…) sometimes it is nice to let go completely now and again. But therein lies the problem: keeping that amount to ‘now and again’.

But this is the challenge I am setting myself. My detox is not a full one; I am a living oxymoron in the sense that I have a compulsive personality, but absolutely no willpower. Instead I plan to see whether it is actually possible to stick to the vow made at the beginning of so many nights; I will only have one or two. Let’s see whether the atmosphere of such student nights really is so intoxicating that forces money out of your purse, and alcohol down your throat. You never know, right now, what you are reading could be a life changing moment for me.

What is more likely, however, is that my next article (to be written when back at university) is an alcohol-fuelled, incomprehensible mash of words, asking for tips on how to get sick stains out of your clothes…

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1 Comment »

  1. i cant wait for uni! 😀

    Comment by Amie — January 17, 2007 @ 2:30 pm | Reply


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