The Patch

January 28, 2007

Sunday 28th January 2007- My Young Hollywood List.

Filed under: Celebrity/TV,Music & Film — denesha @ 10:56 am

Every year, Teen Vogue releases its Young Hollywood issue in the summer/autumn. Every year, I skip over the glossy pictures of pseudo indie movie stars to get to the shoes and bikinis. After salivating over the impossibly beautiful shoes, I usually move on to the Young Hollywood feature, which is actually just pictures of impossibly beautiful 13 year olds (who are often the daughters of famous producers and rock stars) accompanied by a “I love acting- it’s my life” quote in big writing, presumably so the beautiful 13 year olds can read it. That’s what happens when you take little kids out of school and into movies instead. They have to read in big writing.

This year, Rachel Bilson from The OC graced the front cover. She is really pretty, likes vintage clothing and wants to take on diverse roles after she finishes the show. That’s pretty much all I got from the article. The smaller pieces on young upstarts were similarly lacking in substance, with many enthusing “I’ve loved fashion, like, all my life”…They’re 13.They’ve been only dressing themselves for six of those years! Not that I’m being ageist or anything, I just utterly detest such hyperbole, in fact, I’ve hated it all my life!

It occurred to me that many of these beautiful young children won’t make it out of puberty. I mean their careers, although I suspect an early coca habit may not have anything to do with cola for some of them. In which case, I am going to compile my own Young Hollywood list but it will be added to whenever I feel like it, which will probably be when I remember to include someone I like, or when I have nothing better to discuss.

Daniel Radcliffe
Why is he on this list? : He’s not good as Harry Potter. I wanted to strangle him for the first two movies. He was tolerable in the third film although that probably has more to do with Alfonso Cuarón’s skill as a director, than his growth as an actor. Anyway, I now tolerate him as he appears to be improving as an actor and I adored him in Extras. He will soon be appearing in the play Equus alongside Richard Griffiths. This news is exciting for any theatre fan as watching Richard Griffiths on stage is always enjoyable and a chance to see Harry Potter get naked and blind four horses sounds incredibly cool. This decision is well thought out. It’s a dramatic move to play against type under the brutal acting microscope that is the London theatre scene and yet at the same time, it isn’t a huge risk as the play is fantastically written and will surely be well received. And if he is terrible, he’ll have Richard Griffiths to ask for advice. In the interviews I’ve read with him in, he appears clever, charming and well aware that it is future producers and directors that he needs to appeal to in order to maintain longevity, not 12 year old Harry Potter fans. He will never shake the Harry tag, but he can try to evolve at least, and the boy looks like he’s on the right track.
Possible Addiction/ Scandal: He seems like a naughty boy so I imagine he’ll be a sex addict and will feature in many tabloids as a ‘sex crazed wizard.’ That’d be fantastic.
Where will he be in 10 years time: He’ll have a strong back catalogue of indie and blockbuster films behind him but the tabloids will still refer to him as ‘Harry’ when reporting on his three in a bed trysts with Hermione. I imagine he’s the type to get married, have 2 kids and live in the countryside when he hits 30. He also appears to be the type of actor that would prefer to work in theatre for the rest of his life so that’d be nice.

Natalie Portman
Why is she on the list? : She’s been ‘Young Hollywood’ since Leon was released and has maintained her status as a credible actress for over 10 years. She seamlessly moves from indie films like Garden State to big blockbusters like Star Wars. She wasn’t even tainted by the Star Wars prequels! She stole the show in Closer which is a considerable feat seeing as she was accompanied by the wonderful Clive Owen, the greasy yet delectable Jude Law and the always watchable, Julia Roberts. If I had to pick a young actress who had the most talent, was the least annoying, and the most beautiful, it’d be her. She’s even got a degree in Psychology from Harvard University! She can speak Hebrew, while Paris Hilton can barely speak English. Next up, she will be playing Anne Boleyn in The Other Boleyn Girl with Eric Bana and Scarlett Johansson. I will happily watch anything with her in, even if it does involve Scarlett Johansson (gag) and period drama costumes (super gag).
Possible addiction/Scandal: She appears to be too nice for that kind of stuff. If she did have an addiction, it’d probably be fluffy kittens or something cool.  
Where will she be in 10 years time? : With two Oscars and a movie career that would make Meryl Streep’s career look like Lindsay Lohan’s liver.

Dakota Fanning
Why is she on the list? : She’s on every other frigging Young Hollywood list because she’s in every other frigging movie that calls for a pretty little blonde girl. Nevertheless, she’s good and deserves her position on every one of those lists. That and she absolutely scares the living daylights out of me, and if I don’t put her in this, her character from Taken will haunt me in my sleep. She’s adorable but she is one creepy little girl and Taken really freaked me out. Anyway, she acts with a maturity that is unsettling, yet compelling. She’s better than most adult actresses and she’s only 12 years old. I worry that she may peak too soon and will inevitably plunge into a downward spiral, but even if she does, she’s got an incredible back catalogue behind her. If she manages to avoid the child star trap like Natalie Portman, then she’s got the potential for an amazing career ahead of her.
Possible addiction/scandal: I feel horrendous saying this (and she’ll get me, she’ll get me like the aliens in Taken), but she’s probably going to get an alcohol addiction and freak out when she turns 13 and realises she’s lost her childhood. It’ll be messy and probably worse than Britney Spears’ meltdown.
Where will she be in 10 years time? : 
Scenario A: Living on the streets and screaming “I used to BE someone. I used to MEAN something” to passing little blonde children.
Scenario B: In rehab with four children and an estranged husband who was the little boy in Stuart Little.
Scenario C: Suing her parents for taking her money followed by extensive therapy.
Scenario D: With a Valium addiction while in extensive therapy.
Scenario E: With a decent career after extensive therapy.

Ryan Gosling
Why is he on this list? : He’s a dreamboat Mormon. *swoons* He’s 26 so he manages to sneak on to my list as I’m including anyone under 30. And with a face and charm like his, he seems younger, hence my surprise at his real age. He started his career as a member of the Mickey Mouse Club which also launched the career of Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. Let’s not hold it against him, especially, since I read a story about how he told Britney Spears what his favourite sexual position was while on the Mickey Mouse club. That is beyond cool. He also was in the Are You Afraid of the Dark? series for Nickelodeon which I remember as being horrendous, but he’s managed to overcome it, so I’ll give him added kudos points. In fact, he’s so cool that he made The Notebook seem less like saccharine shit and almost…good. His role in Half Nelson as a drug addicted teacher has had rave reviews, resulting in an Oscar nomination and the Best Actor award at the 2006 Stockholm Film Festival. Plus, he licked Sandra Bullock in Murder by Numbers… I really don’t know why I find that so cool.
Possible Addiction/ Scandal: He seems like a man’s man so I’m going for an alcohol fuelled stripper scandal on his stag night.
Where will he be in 10 years time? : Making bad romantic comedies like John Cusack.

Evan Rachel Woods
Why is she on this list? : She’s only 19 and has the kind of lifestyle, talent and wardrobe I’d kill for. That’s irritating. I take solace in the fact that she’s rumoured to be dating Marilyn Manson and having to wake up in the morning to that face next to you, is surely enough punishment. He scares me more than Dakota Fanning. So, I’ve swallowed my jealousy at her wardrobe and disgust at her affair with the creepy Marilyn Manson to put her on my list. She actually does deserve her place on most Young Hollywood lists from what I’ve seen of her in Thirteen and Pretty Persuasion. She has picked some amazing roles and seems on track to having an enviable career. Her next film, King of California with Michael Douglas premiered at Sundance and has a good buzz about it. I’m actually hoping to catch it when it is released as she never really disappoints in anything that she’s in. Hold on…she was also in The West Wing for an episode where she played CJ’s niece and they shopped for dresses. I’d sell my soul to pretend to be Allison Janney’s niece in The West Wing. In fact, I’d even sleep with Marilyn Manson if it meant being able to say I was once in The West Wing. I hate you, Evan Rachel Wood. I hate you.
Possible Addiction/Scandal: She’s apparently sleeping with Marilyn Manson despite the fact he’s technically still married to the wonderfully dressed Dita Von Teese. That’s enough scandal right? Surely, this isn’t the first step down a slippery slope that sees her avoiding the sun and wearing copious amounts of foundation, lest she burst into flames?
Where will she be in 10 years? : She’s the next Allison Janney although with added sex kitten. I imagine she’ll win many awards at independent film festivals and continue to pick great roles. I’m not worried about her.
Anyway, that’s enough for now. I will compile the other parts to the list as the year goes along because we have many Sundays ahead of us, and many other young people’s careers to dissect so I may as well take my time. There is no need to hurry, my precious Patchers. If that last sentence just scared you, imagine how Dakota Fanning makes me feel.



  1. what a wonderful person you are

    Comment by aBZY — January 28, 2007 @ 5:07 pm | Reply

  2. I DO NOT like jude law. He is an arrogant and shit actor!! I have such little respect for him that I don’t spell his name with capital letters. jude law.
    p.s. Are you afraid of the dark was amazing! It petrified the shit out of me, (as does most stuff though, I guess). I was so frightened once, i’m sure the skid marks are still on those ‘Power Rangers’ underwear I wore in year 5. The red ranger was on my left butt cheek. Coooooooooool.

    Comment by THE DUDEMEISTER — January 29, 2007 @ 5:55 pm | Reply

  3. “The Other Boelyn Girl” is a book i wanted to read! and i heart natalie portman! i am so excited now. another excellently fun article denesha 😀

    Comment by Amie — January 29, 2007 @ 5:59 pm | Reply

  4. i hate dakota fanning, she annoys the crap out of me! and i like the idea of her ending up in all those scenarios apart from the last one in 10 years time. esp her marrying the stuart little boy, their both wierd freaky children.

    oh and the idea of harry potter being a sex crazed wizard fills me with joy! oh i mean daniel radcliffe, sorry


    Comment by bummy — February 4, 2007 @ 2:30 pm | Reply

  5. I don’t believe that this would EVER
    happen to Dakota Fanning, because
    I think she’s got more sense, but
    one of my “imaginings” about what
    happens to cute blonde child actresses
    who grow up to be bitter is, they turn
    into mean teachers who pick on nice
    children…especially if they should
    ever happen to come across any cute
    fair-haired actress children…who
    remind them too much of what they
    used to be, and used to have.

    Kit =^__^=

    Comment by Kit — February 8, 2007 @ 4:08 am | Reply

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