The Patch

February 27, 2007

Tuesday 27th February.

Filed under: UK News — Claire @ 1:42 pm

Yesterday, I watched Tonight With Trevor McDonald. There wasn’t a lot of Trevor, which made me slightly sad, but what made me sadder was the subject, which is going to be this week’s UK News ramble.


February 26, 2007

Sunday 25th February 2007

Filed under: Celebrity/TV — Phil @ 10:43 pm

God dammit, I can’t even get this up on time!

Anyway, I am doing something a little different from my usual this week to bring a Celebrity piece to your monitors! That is, a column about Celebrity, not a column which is actually a celebrity. I haven’t gone quite mad enough to start anthropomorphisising my articles. I think I might be making up words though, I’m not sure ‘anthropomorphisising’ actually exists.

To make up for the lovely Denesha’s absence, I shall be attempting to give you a little insight into the world of the celebrity from my perspective, you’d think this would offer me a little less soapbox-y, but I shall me challenging that assertion forthwith.

February 24, 2007

Friday 22nd February

Filed under: Music & Film — Free Edinburgh Podcast @ 5:11 pm

Erm, just some music reviews for you to mull over this week. I promise something more interesting next week. I had a conversation with someone who claimed that this decade couldn’t compete with previous ones for great music, so I may well argue against that, cos you know, there’s been some pretty sweet tunes this side of the millennium. Yeah, that’ll do. And Hired Guns, natch.



Saturday 24th February: The New Adrenalin Junkie

Filed under: Miscellany — Ames @ 10:28 am

Unless you’re some sort of Techo-Geek who gets worked up about new games console releases, computers and the Internet aren’t things usually associated with getting an adrenalin rush. While getting a comment or friend’s request on Facebook is fun, upping your friend count being a fun way to prove to yourself that you’re not a reclusive loner, it’s not something that gets the heart pumping. Well, unless it’s a request from the guy you’ve had an eye on for the past few weeks. Yet still, this cannot compare to the adrenalin-filled experience that is bidding on an item on eBay.


February 22, 2007

Thursday 22nd February 2007 – Do’s and Don’ts.

Filed under: Miscellany — Claire @ 5:07 pm

Today Phil is unfortunately unavailable again, so here is a Miscellaneous article by Dan Reid. It’s picture heavy, but enjoy!

February 21, 2007

Another Minor Headfuck From America

Filed under: Politics — freshlysqueezedcynic @ 3:04 pm

Whilst we’re on the subject of the fact that a significant minority of Americans are completely, totally, undeniably batshit insane, I would like to give you the example of one Representative Don Young, of the actual federal Congress this time, who keeps quoting Lincoln as saying that ‘Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged.’

He goes on to say that Lincoln was dealing with the same sort of thing as Bush is, with the president being considered unpopular and not being able to be the “Commander-in-Chief” (Incidentally, does anyone else feel that the way Republicans use the phrase “Commander-in-Chief” to describe the president unnervingly creepy? I mean, dudes, he’s the Commander-in-Chief of the Army, not of civilians. Alas for you, wingnuts, the US is not yet a military dictatorship.)

Amusingly, the quote Young keeps using turns out not to be remotely real, but since the cold smack of reality hasn’t yet woken these folk up from their collective fascist wet dream, I assume we’ll be looking at a lot more uses of this quote in future.

Because it is fascist, of course; what these people want more than anything else is to silence dissent because they want to restore what they see as the “greatness” of America, a great and world-spanning power, and they don’t care how many people they have to kill, torture, humiliate, detain without trial, undermine constitutional protections or threaten violence towards to achieve it. They have no pity for those they perceive to be threatening America, even with words, even with sarcasm, even with protest, even with dissent. They cannot be compromised with, for compromising means undermining those rights and freedoms that we think are necessary to a free and open society. And though they were defeated in 2006, they still hold enough influence and enough sway in American politics to continue the descent into collective madness that all right-thinking people fear but they welcome with open arms and a song in their heart.

…man, that was a downer. Don’t worry, I’ll make a dick joke soon or something.

February 20, 2007

Tuesday 20th February 2007.

Filed under: UK News — Claire @ 3:02 pm

Happy Tuesday, Patchers. This week, your UK Newswriter has been struggling a bit to find something in UK News worth rambling about. Therefore, today will pilot the genius idea of a UK News round up. Bountiful rambling opportunities!

February 19, 2007

Republicans – The Centre of The Universe

Filed under: Politics — freshlysqueezedcynic @ 2:29 pm

I’m sorry, I couldn’t leave this little beauty for long. Contrary to popular belief, Texas is not entirely full of dimwitted, rednecked good ol’ boys shooting gay terrorist flag-burners and eating whole cows in their massive hummers. To say that would be massively unfair.

However, people like Texas State Representative Warren Chisum don’t help make such perceptions go away. Mr. Chisum recently circulated a memo to the rest of his State Representatives from one Mr. Ben Bridges, a Representative from the Georgia State legislature, that, in a spendid, all-points display of right-wing insanity, not only argues that not only evolution is a dangerous liberal idea, but that the sun revolves around the earth and these two dogmas have been promulgated by a shady Jewish plot to undermine good Christian science.

Mr. Chisum, amusingly, has tried to back-away from the memo, suggesting that his staff had sent it for him and that he had not read it thoroughly. Which said a lot about Warren Chisum himself, who is, astonishingly, not a back-bench mouth-foamer but chairman of the House Appropriations Committee, who determine the spending plans for the Texas budget.

 Still, at least he’s not a flat-earther.

Monday 19th February: Welcome To Student Land

Filed under: Miscellany — Ames @ 1:02 am

This time of year is an important one for those in their final stages of sixth form. Universities start sending letters promising all sorts of magical things should you choose their institution, with glossy coloured photographs glorifying ideas of student life. For those slightly lower down the school, this is also a time when teachers start pressuring you into thinking about what you want to do when you have to leave the comforts of secondary education for something more. So for those of you who are planning on going away in September, for the people who aren’t quite sure what they want to do when they finish school, or for those of you who just want a look into the mind of a student, our guest writer, Michael Roberts, gives us an inside view into his experience of life as a Fresher:


February 18, 2007

Sunday 18th February-Britney Loses It While I Watch Hollyoaks.

Filed under: Celebrity/TV — denesha @ 11:07 am

Britney Spears Watch
As spring comes upon us, bird watchers everywhere, risk bird flu and frostbite to watch poor little birds make their journey back for the summer. As spring comes upon us, celebrity gossip blogs everywhere, risk herpes and brain aneurysms to watch poor little Britney Spears self destruct. Both are noble quests.

On Friday 16th February, news emerged that Britney Spears had entered Eric Clapton’s Crossroads Centre in Antigua. Eric Clapton’s Crossroads Centre prides itself on being “an International Centre of Excellence for the treatment of alcohol, drugs and other addictive disorders.” Britney Spears must have thought it was a weird bar or a chance to spend time with her kids, because she checked out less than 24 hours later. Either, Eric Clapton’s centre has super magic powers that healed Britney in record timing or Britney just cannot stop the train wreck that is her life. Upon her return to LA, she made her way to a hairdresser in San Fernando Valley to plead with them to shave her head. The hairdresser refused so Britney picked up the shears and began to do it herself. She then headed to a tattoo parlour in Sherwood Oaks in order to complete the burned out pop star meets Hells Angel look.

The tattoo artists enquired as to why she had shaved her head, to which she replied “I don’t want anyone touching me. I’m tired of everybody touching me.” Britney got two tattoos; a black-white-and-pink cross tattooed on her lower hip and red lips on her wrist for a price of $80. One of the tattoo artists, Emily Hughes told that “She wasn’t making sense at all and you could tell she’s not in a good place at all, and that she is totally freaking out.”

Shaving your head and getting a tattoo within the space of two hours is a good indicator of how much someone is ‘freaking out.’ Britney Spears’ reps could not be reached to confirm or deny the rehab reports, or even speculate on why on earth she shaved her head. Evidently she has finally lost it and no amount of denial or spin could possibly erase the photos of Britney Spears chopping off all of her hair. These pictures are disturbing, but they are obviously a cry for help from a girl who is either too stupid or too messed up to accept it.


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