The Patch

March 30, 2007

Record of the Week

Filed under: Music & Film — Free Edinburgh Podcast @ 3:07 pm

I forgot to put it in the original post, but it’s here.  Camera Obscura – Lloyd, I’m Ready to be Heartbroken.  A lot of people haven’t been bothering to click these links.   I hope you all feel right guilty.  This week’s song is most excellent so give it a shot.  You know you want to.  Well, you probably don’t, but I don’t care.  Do it.


Friday 30th March – When Records Matter

Filed under: Music & Film — Free Edinburgh Podcast @ 12:08 am

“QUICK, GET THE GUNS!!!” screamed Hawthorn.

Jake heard the command, but he did not seem to take it in.  His head was a mess, his eyes a blur.  What was going on?

‘”Sorry sir, what did you say?”

“I said get the fucking guns you waste of God given space!!  What is wrong with you soldier?”

Jake understood this time.  It was time to kill. (more…)

March 27, 2007

Tuesday 27th March 2007

Filed under: UK News — alice86 @ 7:42 pm

Perhaps the most interesting new item this week was that poet Carol Ann Duffy admitted to murder. Sorry, that’s not quite accurate. In fact, the murder in question was that of Paul Kelly, 32 in Bath, and the author of the poem now strewn about the city is…still unknown.

“The truth is there like an open grave, a defenceless man is dead and his blood’s gone cold, but the story of his end is going to be told….”With verse such as that, I’m unsurprised the author remains anonymous, though I daresay it’d liven up a GCSE anthology. BBC news (and the police) suggest that this literary masterpiece can help solve the tragic murder of the above father of two. However, if it has taken 35 detectives so far to attempt to interpret the subtle nuances veiled within Crimewatch’s newest public notice, why can’t they find something? Furthermore, 11 people so far have been arrested and released on bail or with no charge; if the poem is so transparent, why not ask school children to interpret it? They may have more luck with the innocence of youth and their taught notions of metaphors, similes and elegiac devices than the knowledgeable Bobbies. £10,000 is up for grabs for people with information about the murder, and apparently, the poem suggests (without use of imagery, rhyming couplets or alliteration) that several people “almost certainly know the identity of Paul Kelly’s killer”. And yet these people still are disinclined to ‘fess up their knowledge, just to let a family get some rest, grieve properly, and justice finally be served. Tragic. 

More breaking news from the BBC is that “poverty can do lasting damage to a child’s chance of progressing in life…” Yes. Though not everyone from poorer backgrounds can now afford to go to university (thank-you for our top up fees, Mr Blair, and thank-you for your wax-lyrical support to end poverty, MPs), afford a meal or school uniforms (not just due to the JSA benefit system being supremely poorly managed, incompetent and bunglingly inefficient), there are no safe outdoor play areas for them. Possibly because every spare bit of land has been commandeered for housing by Bovis, all the parks are packed with White Lightning swilling teens, and cars roam free range across the land. And because places like council estates are dismal, tarmacked areas potentially littered with spent needles and broken glass. We need to fix up our own country too. The old adage: the rich get richer whilst the poor grow malnourished and cannot even celebrate a family birthday has rung so true since before the Poor Law set in 1601 and children were forced to work. Yes, children in Africa and
India and other “third world” countries are worse off, but we need to do something about this in our country, here and now. The government’s target for this is 2020.

In other news, Heathrow’s Terminal 5 will now be hosting the FA Cup, and all matches leading up to it. 10 whole football pitches can fit in it, which should reduce some of the boredom faced by travellers attempting to check in when the next TERROR ALERT! means hours of delays, more stupid security checks (this has been modified into the new building, with a larger security desk! Oh my! Just think, a larger surface area can stop a bomb, anthrax or even a can of coca cola. Technology is amazing, these days.), though apparently “self service” means less queuing; as does the 94 baggage drops and 12,000 processed bags an hour. Yes, it’s amazing how innovative our methods of reducing global warming are these days, truly amazing.

March 26, 2007

A weighty issue- March 26th 2007

Filed under: Miscellany — alice86 @ 2:39 pm

CONGRATULATIONS! We all now abode in a country in which 70% of women would consider plastic surgery! Isn’t that a turn up for our insecurities? However, let’s break it down: the word consider does not necessarily mean, “Yes, I would like a nose/ boob/ liposuction job”, but merely they’d toss it about in their heads. Statistics may even be able to prove that 70% of women would consider posing for page 3. It doesn’t mean they necessarily would (post-op, naturally). All the same, the figures in that particular bodily image poll were a little worrying.

            We all, at some point, like to look good. I am a woman. Occasionally, I like to dress up. I want to try and look nice to others, even if I cannot see it myself. But it’s when this quest for media-beauty goes downhill rapidly into a cycle of binge-eating, purging and endless diets that it becomes a problem. We’re not stupid. We realise this. Yet it’s so hard to quench the addictive thoughts once they first pop into your head. It’s harder still when you’re surrounded by skinny, dieting bulimics; and it’s even harder when every magazine headline screams out to you “LOSE WEIGHT LIKE A MAN”, “LOSE THAT MUFFIN TOP”, or “TEN WAYS TO LOSE TEN POUNDS IN A WEEK”! Quick fixes never work. We should have figured this out by now.

            If we all got rid of our laziness and exercised more, we could drop a few pounds, sure. This isn’t just spending an hour’s worth of heart-pounding, sweaty exercise at the extortionate gym, but just walk somewhere. Drop the wheels, or take up two instead. We’d save the environment, bonus! Oh, and eat a balanced diet too. Why? Because it works; there’s no point in stuffing yourself with lipids and moaning. There’s no point in trying out each faddy diet, Atkins or not. I’ll award myself with a doctorate here, like Madam Gillian McKeith.

            With regards to the aforementioned anorexic stool sampler, it’s people like her who make those of us who are healthy, paranoid. And it’s moments of self-loathing that we find ourselves with a finger down our oesophagus, attempting to remove the 200g bag of chocolate buttons we just comfort ate. When people are overweight with a bmi of 25+, try a healthier diet, sure. Add in the exercise. You need it. But when you’re a size 8-10 or lower and you find yourself hovering over the toilet bowl repeatedly, flushing away your guilt, you need to wake up. WE need to wake up. Weight isn’t important, your health is. And if you risk your health for your weight, then you need to open your eyes. Your heart needs you to treat it well so you can survive. No unnecessary strain- from under or over-eating. A low weight is fine, but digesting your muscles (heart included) is deadly. Again, we know this. Kate Winslet recently got slated for being curvy; Tyra Banks for putting on a few pounds. They are still healthy! If only the media could realise this, to stop guiltily pressurising us into feeling inadequate with our bodies.

             Perhaps with a few more people of average clothing size (16 these days. Slated for the “obesity epidemic.) in magazines, on television, a few less plastic beautiful people, it would improve our self-esteem. Oh, and if we quit with the whole laziness and faddy eating, we can actually be healthier in ourselves. Breaking News there, for sure. 

March 25, 2007

Sunday 25th March-Four Shows That You Should Love Too.

Filed under: Celebrity/TV — denesha @ 9:55 am

I noticed the other day that I’m incredibly distrusting of new TV shows. I watch them wearily, simply waiting for them to fail to meet my expectations. Going into new shows with this distrust means that if a show manages to meet or surpass my expectations, it has my loyalty and a Sky Plus season link pass. For example, my low expectations of Skins meant I was pleasantly surprised by how well it evolved. I’m actually going to miss it, but E4 will continue to play the adverts for it until it comes back, which should be absolutely delightful.
My low expectations stems from a love for four key shows that set the bar for me, in terms of quality. They have all been cancelled or reached a natural end, so you’ll have to track them down.


March 24, 2007

Saturday 24th March

Filed under: Miscellany,Politics — Ames @ 12:15 pm

First thing’s first, sincere apologies for my lack of article last week. I would explain, but it would probably just bore you into submission… Anyway, I’d also promise a bumper article today to make up for it, but I’m afraid I probably won’t be able to deliver on that count either. Either way, here it is. (more…)

March 23, 2007

Friday 23rd March

Filed under: Music & Film — Free Edinburgh Podcast @ 4:35 pm

It’s been most quiet…


March 19, 2007

Monday 19th March-How to improve football….

Filed under: Sport,UK News — triffid @ 6:22 pm

It seems to have been a major topic over the last couple of years, and particularly over the last few days when the Football League Chairman, Brian Mawhinney, put forward the proposal that there should no longer be any draws in English football. If teams were drawing after 90 minutes then they should decide the outcome via a penalty shootout. This idea appears to have been largely (and thankfully in this fan’s opinion) laughed off. However it has raised the debate about other ways in which the game could be improved. Here are some of the best and worst ideas that I have come across…

March 18, 2007

Sunday 18th March- Gotta catch ’em all.

Filed under: Celebrity/TV — denesha @ 1:05 pm

This week, Angelina Jolie made an addition to her family by adopting a 3 year old Vietnamese boy, called Pham Quang Sang (or as he is now called, Pax Thien Jolie) from an orphanage in Hoi Chi Min city. The details of the adoption have been recorded in detail in the press due to Jolie’s fame and as this is her third adoption/fourth child, various utterly childish comparisons to the formation of a Pokemon ball or football team have been made.
It is undeniable from a humanitarian standpoint that she is giving this child an amazing opportunity. Or is she?


March 16, 2007

Friday 16th March – An Alternative Brit Pop

Filed under: Music & Film — Free Edinburgh Podcast @ 12:38 am

I was five when Suede released their eponymous debut and unknowingly created this monster so fondly referred to as ‘Brit Pop’. Ingrained into my head for the rest of my pre-pubescent childhood was its essential notion that Brit was hip again as Oasis dominated the charts, Albarn vs the Gallaghers became front page news, and Jarvis did dare show Michael Jackson for the spectacular fool he was. But everyone knows about Blur, Pulp, Suede, Radiohead, Elastica and Oasis, and for such a fawned upon era of modern British times, people are so often too scared to delve that little deeper and discover those bands behind the scenes creating great music in their own right. Liam Gallagher – a contemptuous, arrogant, aggressive lout – is a household name and figurehead of a culture, whereas articulate, professional and vastly talented names as Jake Shillingford and Luke Haines are now relics to popular society, forgotten amidst the brashness and delusions of grandeur that fueled such an age. (more…)

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