The Patch

March 6, 2007

Tuesday 6th March 2007.

Filed under: UK News — Claire @ 2:51 pm

Another News Roundup, anyone?


Despite having died 8 years ago, Princess Diana is in the News again this week over the inquest into her death. Harrods owner Mohammed Al Fayed says she and his son Dodi were murdered after a plot by Prince Phillip. Isn’t the Royal Family exciting? Father-In-Laws don’t usually plot to kill their Daughter-In-Laws, thankfully, but if claims are to be believed, Diana’s Paris crash was no accident. An inquest now aims to find the truth in Al Fayed’s claims, which is no doubt going to end one way – with a verdict that no foul play contributed to Diana and Dodi’s deaths. The reason for this? Well who’s going to agree that the Queen’s husband plotted murder? Whether the claims are correct or not, it’s too much trouble to have them proven, causing more negative publicity for a Royal Family who has had it’s fair share of scandal already. It’s been a long time, now, and several reports and inquests have found nobody but the driver on the night, Henri Paul, to have contributed to the accident (Paul was found to have alcohol and drugs in his blood). This isn’t going to end any differently.


Car users everywhere feared for their bank balances this week after contaminated supplies of petrol struck the nation’s vehicles. Cars broke down in the middle of nowhere, causing in some cases thousands of pounds of damage. The problem was silicone, and everyone has blamed each other, with people affected forced to fork out for repairs, garages rubbing their hands with glee at the revenue and the Supermarkets involved severely out of pocket. To add insult to injury, petrol prices have now risen so the Supermarkets can claim their money back and the car users kicked in the proverbial bollocks.

Glenda Askew.

I love Glenda Askew. She is so brilliantly stupid that I’m thinking of starting a fanclub. Incase you’ve not heard, our Glenda got a speeding ticket. What do you do when that happens? Pretend to be your daughter and tell them you’re dead, obviously. In a shocking flaw to her genius plan, she forgot to consider the idea that the authorities might do a quick check, realise that she was telling lies and decide to pay her a visit to congratulate the silly cow on her miraculous recovery from death.


1 Comment »

  1. i thoroughly enjoy your articles Claire 🙂

    Comment by Amie — March 6, 2007 @ 8:14 pm | Reply

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