The Patch

March 13, 2007

Unfortunate Coincidences

Filed under: Miscellany — triffid @ 8:09 am

I must apologise as this post was meant to be up yesterday. However my internet connection is about as consistant as a plotline in Lost, so it arrives a little late. There has been relatively little of note happening this past week, so instead of a current affairs analysis, a short and simple post about a few unfortunate coincidences of modern-day life shall follow…..

-Tomato or no Tomato? I’m not a big fan of tomatoes but, as a northerner, I do love a chip butty with a bit (actually loads) of ketchup. So when I heard that a study had found Ketchup consumption to be a repellent to heart disease, I was delighted. Then a few weeks later I heard that ketchup had been linked to cancer! Come on, it’s either got to be good or bad. Maybe I should be more worried about the lbs of deep fried chips it comes with. ‘Yorkshire and small portions’ goes together like ‘Hitler and pacifist’.

-Vending machines at gyms….Having just been for a workout session with a friend, at the local gym, he stopped on the way out to use the vending machine. He bought and quickly drunk a 500ml bottle of Ribena, looked on the back of the bottle and found out that he’d just consumed more calories in 30 seconds than he’d burnt off in an hour. Why do they tempt us like this?

-The Norbit poster….. Having just recovered his acting reputation, with an academy award nomination for his performance in Dreamgirls, Eddie Murphy has made Norbit. This is a film in which he plays most of the characters and in which the whole plot centres around him making jokes about fat people. The poster advertising the film shows Murphy, with the caption ‘have you ever made a really big mistake?’ Maybe only he couldn’t see the double entendre that can be drawn from this.

-Which milk?….. Having heard that cows are now breaking wind so much that Methane is becoming a contributor to Global Warming, I felt very guilty about drinking so much milk. So I started drinking some Soya Milk instead, then instantly heard that it was the replacement of Rainforest with Soya plantations that’s destroying the Amazon! I can’t win.

-Unfortunate wording…Walking through the grounds of a hospital yesterday, on my way to visit a relative, I saw that the speed humps, on the road leading towards the mental health section had been called ‘speed retarders’. Not the best choice of words I thought, given the context.

-Woodpecker Cider…. This tasty drink had been my staple Saturday night diet for some time. Until one evening I decided to actually look what was in it, and, to my dismay, the only listed ingredient was Sulphuric Acid. I may have been slightly drunk at the time, but that I was consuming copious amounts of a volatile dissolving agent was enough to ring a few faint alarm bells. I’ve since switched to Magners and vowed not to ever look what’s in it. Ignorance, after all, is the best form of bliss

-A great idea?… My dad, bless him, got a little confused the other day. When trying to describe to me what he had been shown by the daughter of a friend he said. ‘Umm, what was it now, a network linking friends over the internet….I think it was called Myface’. Maybe he unwittingly came up with the best idea of the 21st century, but as yet Facebook and Myspace, the scourge of student procrastinators, are still different entities.

-But that the most powerful man in the world can come up with quotes like this, is surely the most unfortunate coincidence of them all…“I was not pleased that Hamas has refused to announce its desire to destroy Israel.” Good old George W, he can always be relied upon to fill a few lines in a no news week…



1 Comment »

  1. Norbit is all about Eddie Murphy realising his dream of making sweet Eddie Murphy love to himself.

    Comment by Spanky — March 14, 2007 @ 2:29 pm | Reply

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