The Patch

April 30, 2007

Tuesday 1st May – Our 100th Post!

Filed under: Celebrity/TV — Claire @ 11:41 pm

Apologies for last week’s no show, it was a product of crashing my car and having 3 essays to write, but I’m back. And not in my usual capacity, either. Just to confuse you a little, I’m taking over Celebrity/TV from the lovely Denesha whilst she takes her A Levels (Good luck to you, lady, from everyone at your Patch), but am still going to write on a Tuesday. UK News, for the time being at least, is having a little rest because (as I seem to bemoan weekly) nothing’s really going on in Britain at the moment that I care enough about to be able pen a ramble to you fair Patchers.

Got that? Good. Sitting comfortably? Then my tales of Celebrity shall begin.
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April 29, 2007

Saturday 28th April- And now for something completely different

Filed under: Miscellany,Music & Film — Ames @ 2:09 pm

So I know that Film isn’t an area I usually venture into, but after a trip to the cinema last night the blank I had concerning topics for articles was finally defeated. For I was dragged to a film so bad, so ridiculous, that I couldn’t help but feel the need to rant about it rather thoroughly. But how could I do this credibly? Why, by making a list of the five most overrated and boring films I have ever seen in my life, of course. Some of you may find this list a little controversial. Some of you may think that I can’t recognise a good film should it hit me in the face with a cold, wet fish. But nonetheless, I present you with Amy’s Definitive Bad Film List: (more…)

April 28, 2007

Sunday 29th April 2007- “C’mon,baby do the loco-motion”

Filed under: Celebrity/TV,Miscellany,Uncategorized — denesha @ 10:46 pm

I’m currently in the midst of revising for my A Levels and realised, on Friday after a particularly hellish Chemistry mock exam, that barring a miracle, I am fucked. As a result, I have been put on a self imposed ‘lockdown’ (the opposite of Akon’s popular song, no less.)
A condition of my ‘locked down’ status (you’re totally saying that in a high voice, now aren’t you?) is that I rid myself of any distractions and focus primarily on my revision. This means I shall be utterly unable to research for and write my articles, so until June 25th; I will be taking a hiatus from writing for the Patch. I can hear the sobs from here.

In an effort to make you all miss me, I shall just ramble on a bit, this week. I haven’t actually had time to read anything interesting or formulate a plan as to what I will cover this week, so instead, I’m going to ramble and slip in bits of news. My rambling train of thoughts are supposedly entertaining for my friends, and let’s see if it translates as well on to the computer.

I am well known amongst my friends for being a little bit odd. To talk to me is to be bombarded with sarcasm and pop culture references, ranging from the joys of listening to Busted to the finer points of ‘sass’ demonstrated by Katherine Hepburn. Surely, I’m not the only one who has that kind of brainstem?

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April 27, 2007

Arctic Monkeys – Back, but better?

Filed under: Music & Film — Graham @ 10:35 am

There are many bands that you could class as “marmite” bands – you either love them or hate them. The Arctic Monkeys fall into that category, but the “love” category seems to hold the larger population. After the whirlwind success of their debut Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not, they came to the second hurdle. Like being at University – it’s the second year, time to stop arsing about and start showing us what you’re really made of. People will be ready to shoot them down, even though they are one of the best things to happen to the UK music scene for a long time.

Brianstorm has already had some airplay as this is the first single and already has some positive feedback. It’s also the opener to the album and already there is more of a rockier, even punkier at times edge to their sound.

It’s not all though, it does sound as though they have grown up more too. – There are some interesting sounds here – the opening to Old Yellow Bricks would not look out of place on a White Stripes album while Only Ones Who Knew is to listen to after coming in from a night out to wind down, and you can’t find your Eels albums.

There’s less urgency about their songs too, which is what may lose them points in the long run especially as all but 3 songs clock in at under 3 and a half minutes. They’ve seemed to have lost that slight edge, that bombastic and brassy feeling of I Bet That You Look Good On The Dancefloor and the sing-alongability of Mardy Bum. In places they just about save themselves from being dull, Balaclava and This House Is a Circus returns them to form that will have fans of their first offering drooling like rabid dogs.

They’ve turned around and gone in a new direction with Favourite Worst Nightmare and it is a rather bold move. They’ll certainly shift the units, but they may also lose the fans who were hoping for much of the same. There’s certainly nothing wrong, but people might be disappointed. It won’t get away from the fact they are a great band, who’ve begun to show us a maturity and sense of direction that could lead them anywhere.

Hop on; it’s going to be one hell of a ride.

April 25, 2007

Monday 23rd- Snapshots

Filed under: Miscellany — alice86 @ 2:01 pm

There’s been little going on in the world of late: university shootings, celebrity deaths, global warming and essays (hence why this is being posted two days late), so it’s hard to muse when you’ve been cooped up inside your breezeblock room searching through papers on Apartheid Africa….Scrubs’ Jordan says it’s bad, incidentally.

Anyhow, besides that, this week has been mostly preparing for a fancy dress party. Charity shops have been rummaged through to no avail and have lost their charm, really. Some are showing the despised “vintage” and “retro” stores what’s what by hyping up their prices- which is good as the money does go to a good cause, but when you can get t-shirts for practically pennies from Primark, Asda George, Tescos and the like, you really begin to wonder who buys the stuff. Especially when some of it is so hideous! But it’s for a good cause, and so any little donation is welcome (even when it’s the shifty-looking old man with a grey beard who surrepticiously purchases the basque, stockings and suspender belt), though those people who hunt around, buy the best stuff and then flog it on eBay for their own profit are frankly despicable.

Fashion is circular. Every item in stores at the moment is a colourful throwback to the worst things that came out of the 60s, 70s and 80s. Some of the flourescent patterns and combinations are nauseous, so I’d hate to be surrounded by hundreds of people on the dancefloor all wearing similar togs, seeing the room sway and adding to the decor with a Technicolour yawn that might make some of the apparel more tasteful. Don’t get me wrong, some people can pull these clothes off, seemingly miraculously, but still they can don them and manage to look ok or even good. But some cuts are designed so that they actually don’t manage to suit anyone, also some colours. See mustard, see skinny jeans. Combine the two, add a shellsuit jacket in lurid turquoise and pink (I’m surprised these haven’t come back) and a mullet (the Pat Sharpe parasitical beastie that sucks out your brain when it lands on your head) and it is truly awful. Yet I wouldn’t be surprised if some folks would wear it if it was in fashion.

I don’t really mind, it’s all opinion anyway. Personally, I don’t like really pointy boots. If I tried to wear a babydoll dress I’d look like a pregnant lady with a backside that could eat half of Manchester and probably has, but these suit some people, and some like them. Just why oh why must the shops be filled with some truly awful clothing that makes you wince? A book once informed me that timeless classics are better than fashion that comes and goes as fast as you buy, so it’s wise to invest in them. When a bit older, of course! But the point was, I think, a few quality pieces of clothing are better than a bursting wardrobe filled with Primark. Oh, and vintage stores are a con. Yes. £35 for someone’s second-hand cast aways that smell of mothballs? I don’t think so!

April 24, 2007

Continuing the rant…

Filed under: Politics — freshlysqueezedcynic @ 10:34 am

Okay, that was just something I had to get off my chest (and my drafts). Anger fuels the writing process no end, especially when you’ve got a target to hit, and in this case it’s the Virginia Tech shootings, which have, in the immortal words of Brad R. at Sadly, No!, brought people of every race, creed and religion along to join together to say: “The senseless massacre at Virginia Tech basically confirms everything I’ve been saying all along.”

Frankly, I hate this kind of bullshit that comes after any kind of random incident like this. There’s a sense of “what did we do?” or “what went wrong?” or “who is responsible?” kind of thought that normally leads one to decide that one’s own bete noir, be it gun control, the Second Amendment, awfully violent films and games, whatever, is the answer to all of the above. And it’s bullshit. This guy was, by all accounts, an unbalanced individual who was considered potentially dangerous, and ended up fulfilling that by acting violently. There’s no “big question”, no grand lesson that we can take out of that. The amount of people that could do something like this is a small sample indeed, and the amount that do even less. You can’t really take lessons from this kind of shooting, still less use it as a meaningful example to influence public policy.

And it’s hard to say “we can’t protect you” as a society from some kind of harm, be it bird flu, terrorism, or anything like that, but sometimes the scale of things and the possibilities make it impossible for us to be able to counteract every potential cause of harm all the time. We can lessen the possibility of it happening, we can try our hardest to prevent something like this happening, but in the end it comes down to probabilities; we have to be lucky all the time, they only have to be lucky once.

And looking at that, it’s shameful how some people have got up on their high horse and used this to grind their particular axe, as if this school shooting was somehow symptomatic of the wider world in general, as if we can take some kind of lesson out of this that we can’t take out of the normal murder, violence, war, and crime that happens in the world, that this mass shooting somehow means more than the ordinary, everyday shootings (a phrase that should give us all, at least some pause; ordinary, everyday murders. Just no longer newsworthy, you see). Most grimly amusing were the petrified few who still cling to the notion that the SCARY MUSLIMS ARE OUT TO GET US, despite the shooter being… urm, Korean, conservative commentator and all-round moron Debbie Schlussel being one of the foremost, not to mention the eerie, nasty little quasi-fascist commentators of the Little Green Footballs blog.

Astonishingly, those creepy bastards aren’t the worst, since, alas, more mainstream right-wing pundits such as John Derbyshire, Mark Steyn, and Michelle Malkin blame the victims for the shootings, claiming that you must be a bunch of quivering girly-men (or girly-girls) not to charge down a deranged psychopath spraying bullets from two semi-automatic guns at anything that moves. Let us remember that these are the the people who support the war in Iraq. Let us see how gloriously in touch with reality they are.

 As a bonus, there’s also the Sunday Times showing how low the mighty paper of record has fallen since Rupert Murdoch got his grubby little hands in it by publishing the opinions of faux-feminist contrarian (Contrarian – noun – Someone who gets paid to be spectacularly, bone-headedly wrong with style.) Camille Paglia suggests that we’re all feminized now (I, personally never noticed my new vagina until now) with a lot more words, a lot more Freudian imagery, and a lot less fucking sense than the right-wing morons. Also she suggests that “Young women now seem to want to behave like men and have sex without commitment. The signals they are giving are very confusing, and rage and humiliation build up in boys who are spurned again and again.” So, obviously, it’s the bitches’ fault that they get shot. Strangely, I have been rejected by women who may or may not want to have sex without committment with someone who is not me, but I have not shot up my university. I suspect this is because I am not, unlike the shooter, predisposed to violent thoughts and mentally unbalanced to the point I am a danger to others, something Ms. Paglia seems to have missed. But then. Ms. Paglia never let facts get in the way of blaming women for things. (google her name and date rape and see what turns up. Don’t blame me when you get really angry.)

Jesus, these people make my eyes bleed.

Why everyone hates the fucking Press.

Filed under: Politics — freshlysqueezedcynic @ 7:14 am

Y’know, there is no lower form of life these days than a tabloid journalist. I speak that unreservedly, totally, without any hesitation in thought. I mean, you can at least understand that politicians are at least sometimes trying to do the right thing, although being hopelessly compromised. But fucking hacks? Fucking fuck the lot of them. In the fucking ear. With a rusty fucking penknife.

Recently, there was the whole furore about the Defense Secretary allowing the sailors involved in the Iranian detainee crisis to sell their stories to the press (ostensibly to counteract Iranian propaganda, apparently). Of course, a couple of tabloids got the story, and all the fucking tabloids that didn’t get the story piled on, got on their high-horses and talked about the “betrayal of the armed forces” and how shameful it was for these sailors to be interviewed. You bet they wouldn’t be fucking whinging to such an extent if they’d been willing to shove an extra 10 grand in the sailor’s faces. And this facetious nonsense, this crying over spilt milk because they couldn’t get a “return on their investment”, to use a particularly odious phrase, became an actual news story, and people actually took it seriously as opposed to pointing out what self-serving shits these people are. Now, God knows I’m not the kind of person to defend this Labour Government (that rusty penknife will be coming for them next), but it was a non-story, a thing that in any civilised world would have ordinary people, and ministers, laughing at the poor, poor tabloids like the Star, the Mail and the Express fulminating as to how terrible it was that they didn’t get the story.

(At this point, some will maintain that rags like the Daily Mail and the Daily Express are not tabloids, because they provide significantly more political coverage. But I maintain the difference between tabloid and broadsheet is one of stylistic content, that is it is qualitative rather than quantitative, and the Mail and the Express indulge in the same sort of petty whinging and ultimately superficial, gossipy analysis of the news as tabloids like the Sun and the Star, the sort of over the counter ranting that can be debunked by any semi-competent twat with a mouse and an available search engine, and in any normal, sane, rational society that political analysis and investigative journalism would be of a higher tone and not left to the kind of people who have the all the writing flair and analytical nous of a ranting bag lady. But I digress.)

That’s not to say the tabloids that got those golden interviews were any better, noting how the “sadistic Iranians”, according to the sailors, stripped them, beat them, and made them think they were going to be executed. It’s nice to see them say that this kind of psychological and physical abuse is “torture”; perhaps they’d like to start speaking out against atrocities like Abu Grahib and our own abuse against detainees? No? No-one? No, of course not. It only counts when it’s “our boys”, I forgot.

And of course, there’s that wonderous contribution that our dearest media make to the conflicting attitude British society seems to have sex, especially when it involves, ahem, “Barely Legal Teens” (I always thought this was strange, surely you’re legal or you’re not?). The kind of nonsense which allows them to slaver, strangely, over girls (barely legal, of course!) in “sexy” school uniform and on the other hand denounce SICK PERV SCUM and not consider the odd contradiction between it. Of course, that was what Chris Morris was trying to highlight when he released the paedophile episode of Brass Eye in 2001, to predictable accusations of “sickness” and “perviness” – the tabloids showing no shame in their juxtaposition of denouncing SICK PERV SHOWS with talking about then 15-year-old Charlotte Church as being, if you’ll pardon the pun, “chest swell“.

It’s this kind of self-serving hypocracy, which seems prevelant throughout the tabloid press especially, but exists to an extent within the broadsheets as well, that makes people consider the press not as an adjunct to a fair and open society, opening doors and letting light fall on egregious errors of judgement and investigating, because although some of that happens most papers are too fucking preoccupied with dime-store analysis of politics that is almost childish in its’ simplistic, tantrumish vision of the world (Immigrants are bad! Tax cuts are good! Europe smells! You’re all PC Liberals! Everyone hates us, wah! wah! wah!), but as a sort of ever-present blight on our society that we won’t ever get rid of, a sort of urine stain on the trousers of life.

God, I’m pissed off right now.

EDIT: Man, Colin Baker (aka the Sixth Doctor) is actually pretty awesome, despite his tenure in Doctor Who being, ah… not the best. The writing sucked more than anything, though.

April 22, 2007

Sunday 22nd April- International News Round Up

Filed under: International News — denesha @ 10:21 am

This week, I figured that I would do something different. The celebrity news front has been slow this week, unless you feel like being told off by Alec Baldwin.

I will hopefully be undertaking an International Relations degree in September, so it makes sense for me to pick out some international news stories this week, instead of celebrity gossip. Alas, a degree in Lindsay Lohan’s hair colour is not offered…yet.

I hope Phil doesn’t mind- I promise to go back to celebrity news once something interesting happens. (more…)

Saturday 21st April- The Good, the Bad and the Ugly…

Filed under: Miscellany — Ames @ 10:19 am

Apologies for the lateness of this article… Yesterday was Moving Back To University day, you see, and due to my having spent most nights this week in the pub enjoying the sun, this involved doing all my packing (and believe me there was a lot of it), as well as the obligatory mass Tesco’s trip, as well as the two hour drive back. Oh and then there was the obligatory Let’s Celebrate Our Being Back Bar Trip. Anyway, all in all this left little time for Patching. However, dedicated as I am, an Amy Article will be completed, even if a Day Late. Why aren’t you glad? (more…)

April 20, 2007

Friday 20th April – Such a Little Thing…

Filed under: Music & Film — Free Edinburgh Podcast @ 2:51 pm

Such a Little Thing 

As Morrissey so wonderfully expressed, the little things can make a big difference.  And that certainly holds true when it comes to music.  Those little touches and moments that can last but merely a second, and without which a song would sound just as valid and hold together just as well, but would lack that glorious factor that made it so very special.  This can be some unprecedented little extravagance of whatever instruments are on display, some great vocal flourish, some beautifully placed word or unexpected extra oral excretion.  They tend to not stick in the mind when first listened to, and may seem to not matter, but after repeated listening you keep on wondering why certain songs never seem to bore you.  And it’s those little things that keep you coming back.  Some examples! (more…)

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