The Patch

April 6, 2007

Friday 6th April – My Wrongs

Filed under: Music & Film — Free Edinburgh Podcast @ 1:11 am

Every music lover out there with a sizeable record collection would like to think that each record there is of some importance and integrity a part of their development, sound tracking various stages of their lives. Tastes change, of course, as people grow and develop new ideals and ways of thinking and gain a sense of looking for something more. This leads to some records left dusty on the shelf not through lack of quality, but just because they were from a different era of a life. However, some records in my collection are just shit. Pointless, artless crap that I really have no idea what compelled me to buy them, or have them bought for me, at the time. Here are some of said records.

 

Arcade Fire – Neon Bible

Ok, put your flaming torches down, there’s good reason for this.  Funeral is one of the great records of our time, and boasted one of the 50 greatest songs to have ever graced mankind, but this is just utter (“Sue Pollards” – Ed).  A self-indulgent trip down a rather pretentious path of what must be wrong with society, that indulges in every horrible cliche that such artisitically inclined sorts do tend to meander down (your body is not a cage.  It has never been a cage.  Do not describe it as so.  It is stupid.)  Enclosing song titles in brackets does not make the lazy knocks at religion any more significant, and how any band out there could possibly have the audacity to put out a record that actually goes ‘Neon Bible, not much chance of survival’ is beyond me.  Yes, there is one fantastic song.  But that song was fantastic when it was originally released on their EP 4 years ago.  Such a crushing disappointment after their spectacular debut, this is a trite, tedious, unispiring affair that just leaves you asking ‘why bother?’ 

 

Jeff Buckley  – Grace

OK, he has a good voice. Heck, he’s even quite good at the whole guitar box thing. But this record is far too meandering and lacking in direction that listening to it becomes a chore as your ears try and follow Buckley’s vocal theatrics through this aimless maze of an album. It just goes nowhere, and proves to be a completely heartless and joyless experience. Hallelujah is of course the highlight, and rightly so. It is a song of very high calibre, and goes some to saving the spectacle along with Last Goodbye, but Buckley’s voice just grates towards the end as he pushes himself further and further. Keep it simple stupid. Could have been a great album if he focused more on melody and less on showing off his, admittedly, ample talents.

 

Travis – The Man Who

Thank fuck Franz Ferdinand (who I really like again after the wonderful L Wells – their best song yet) came along and Belle and Sebastien gained some recognition to usurp these insipid indie balladeers from the tag of ‘Scotland’s biggest band’. A tedious affair, each song finds it nye on impossible to stand out from their equally dull neighbours as Healy’s weak vocals and banal strumming seem to make everything sound as boring as each other. Writing To Reach You is quite good though. And the secret track ‘Blue Flashing Light’ brings some excitement and aggression into this plodding affair. But on the whole – a bit wank.

 

The Darkness – Permission to Land

Oh Christ, what on earth possessed me to buy this? Justin Hawkins must be one of the vilest, most loathsome, grotesque tossers in the business with his fucking annoying grin and smug as a man with missing ribs persona. Arrogant twonk. Anyways, on to the album. It’s god awful. Not in any way fun, exciting or meaningful. Avoid. Unless you have a hammer at hand.

 

The Vines – Highly Evolved

Get Free = 2 minute modern punk classic and a genuine joy to listen to. Everything else turgid mess of styles, influences and mediocre musicianship, and all with an undeserved, arrogant strut behind it. Craig Nicholls is a brave man and means a lot to me, but when he’s behind an album this annoying, my respect for him starts to evaporate. Get Get Free though. It’s great.

 

Athlete – Vehicles and Animals

Part of the rather forgettable nominations for the 2003 Mercury Music Prize (The Thrills anyone?) and sat in my CD rack for the best part of 3 years untouched and unloved. Even duller than their latest offering, with unmemorable melodies, pointless lyrics and horrible artwork (a personal bugbear I’ve mine. One of the reasons I loved Illinoise at first was I was struck by its distinctive artwork. It took a few listens to get over this and realise it’s nowhere near as good as Pitchfork or anyone else would lead you to believe). I’m looking at the song list now and can only remember 3 offerings, and they were all singles/title songs to very underrated sitcoms with Adam Buxton.

 

Pilot Can – Socially Inept Disco

Shite Can more like.  Given to me by my sister. She used to hang around with them in her hedonistic youth that included stealing whisky and Kit Kats off Mercury Rev with Gary Lightbody and hanging around with Mogwai. Yes, Mogwai!! I’m not jealous or anything. Bitch. Anyways, when they were around I think they were the sort of band who used to socialise with respectable Scottish sorts that would probably find themselves in The Reindeer Section at some point in their career. This album, however, is just dreadful. A complete shambles from beginning to end, and am now glad my sister no longer pursues contact with them.

 

Green Day – Insomniac

Egads, this is a hard album to listen to. A boring, messy affair with poor instrumentation, unintelligible vocals and any melody impossible to make out from all the fuckinghardcorepunkrockaction going on. I don’t mind Green Day as such. They’ve made some excellent pop punk in their time with the likes of Basketcase, Minority and Longview, but this is just a mess. At least it was made before they believed they could change the world and wore Burton suits (“ooh, nice reference” – Clash liking ed).

 

Record of the Week

Eels with Last Stop: This Town because it’s on that advert for Stephen Merchant’s radio show and it always makes me feel happy.

 

Next week should see the latest effort from The National reviewed as I have been fortunate enough to obtain Boxer before its official release.  Shall it beat the official second best album of all time ever that is Alligator We shall see.  Oh and Hired Guns of course.

 

 

 

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3 Comments »

  1. Ouch when it comes to Neon Bible. I’d agree it’s not as SHEER. FUCKING. AWESOME. as Funeral, and okay, putting No Cars Go on it is a bit of a cop-out, but I still feel an off-day Arcade Fire smashes 80% of the rest of what goes around at the moment in the face. With whatever the musical version of a half brick in a sock is (probably the pipe organ from Intervention, come to think of it.)

    Mind you, I think the Feeling are total wank, partly a reaction to hearing them about 65 times a day, every day (not actually an exaggeration), but mostly because I think they’re total wank, but YMMV.

    Comment by freshlysqueezedcynic — April 6, 2007 @ 1:40 am | Reply

  2. I have Hilary Duff’s greatest hits album. It was a pirated copy from a Malaysian street market and only cost me 10p (without haggling) so its not SO bad, right?

    Comment by denesha — April 6, 2007 @ 10:58 am | Reply

  3. She has a greatest hits? What?

    Comment by Thomas Meek — April 7, 2007 @ 7:42 pm | Reply


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