The Patch

April 24, 2007

Why everyone hates the fucking Press.

Filed under: Politics — freshlysqueezedcynic @ 7:14 am

Y’know, there is no lower form of life these days than a tabloid journalist. I speak that unreservedly, totally, without any hesitation in thought. I mean, you can at least understand that politicians are at least sometimes trying to do the right thing, although being hopelessly compromised. But fucking hacks? Fucking fuck the lot of them. In the fucking ear. With a rusty fucking penknife.

Recently, there was the whole furore about the Defense Secretary allowing the sailors involved in the Iranian detainee crisis to sell their stories to the press (ostensibly to counteract Iranian propaganda, apparently). Of course, a couple of tabloids got the story, and all the fucking tabloids that didn’t get the story piled on, got on their high-horses and talked about the “betrayal of the armed forces” and how shameful it was for these sailors to be interviewed. You bet they wouldn’t be fucking whinging to such an extent if they’d been willing to shove an extra 10 grand in the sailor’s faces. And this facetious nonsense, this crying over spilt milk because they couldn’t get a “return on their investment”, to use a particularly odious phrase, became an actual news story, and people actually took it seriously as opposed to pointing out what self-serving shits these people are. Now, God knows I’m not the kind of person to defend this Labour Government (that rusty penknife will be coming for them next), but it was a non-story, a thing that in any civilised world would have ordinary people, and ministers, laughing at the poor, poor tabloids like the Star, the Mail and the Express fulminating as to how terrible it was that they didn’t get the story.

(At this point, some will maintain that rags like the Daily Mail and the Daily Express are not tabloids, because they provide significantly more political coverage. But I maintain the difference between tabloid and broadsheet is one of stylistic content, that is it is qualitative rather than quantitative, and the Mail and the Express indulge in the same sort of petty whinging and ultimately superficial, gossipy analysis of the news as tabloids like the Sun and the Star, the sort of over the counter ranting that can be debunked by any semi-competent twat with a mouse and an available search engine, and in any normal, sane, rational society that political analysis and investigative journalism would be of a higher tone and not left to the kind of people who have the all the writing flair and analytical nous of a ranting bag lady. But I digress.)

That’s not to say the tabloids that got those golden interviews were any better, noting how the “sadistic Iranians”, according to the sailors, stripped them, beat them, and made them think they were going to be executed. It’s nice to see them say that this kind of psychological and physical abuse is “torture”; perhaps they’d like to start speaking out against atrocities like Abu Grahib and our own abuse against detainees? No? No-one? No, of course not. It only counts when it’s “our boys”, I forgot.

And of course, there’s that wonderous contribution that our dearest media make to the conflicting attitude British society seems to have sex, especially when it involves, ahem, “Barely Legal Teens” (I always thought this was strange, surely you’re legal or you’re not?). The kind of nonsense which allows them to slaver, strangely, over girls (barely legal, of course!) in “sexy” school uniform and on the other hand denounce SICK PERV SCUM and not consider the odd contradiction between it. Of course, that was what Chris Morris was trying to highlight when he released the paedophile episode of Brass Eye in 2001, to predictable accusations of “sickness” and “perviness” – the tabloids showing no shame in their juxtaposition of denouncing SICK PERV SHOWS with talking about then 15-year-old Charlotte Church as being, if you’ll pardon the pun, “chest swell“.

It’s this kind of self-serving hypocracy, which seems prevelant throughout the tabloid press especially, but exists to an extent within the broadsheets as well, that makes people consider the press not as an adjunct to a fair and open society, opening doors and letting light fall on egregious errors of judgement and investigating, because although some of that happens most papers are too fucking preoccupied with dime-store analysis of politics that is almost childish in its’ simplistic, tantrumish vision of the world (Immigrants are bad! Tax cuts are good! Europe smells! You’re all PC Liberals! Everyone hates us, wah! wah! wah!), but as a sort of ever-present blight on our society that we won’t ever get rid of, a sort of urine stain on the trousers of life.

God, I’m pissed off right now.

EDIT: Man, Colin Baker (aka the Sixth Doctor) is actually pretty awesome, despite his tenure in Doctor Who being, ah… not the best. The writing sucked more than anything, though.

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