The Patch

April 28, 2007

Sunday 29th April 2007- “C’mon,baby do the loco-motion”

Filed under: Celebrity/TV,Miscellany,Uncategorized — denesha @ 10:46 pm

I’m currently in the midst of revising for my A Levels and realised, on Friday after a particularly hellish Chemistry mock exam, that barring a miracle, I am fucked. As a result, I have been put on a self imposed ‘lockdown’ (the opposite of Akon’s popular song, no less.)
A condition of my ‘locked down’ status (you’re totally saying that in a high voice, now aren’t you?) is that I rid myself of any distractions and focus primarily on my revision. This means I shall be utterly unable to research for and write my articles, so until June 25th; I will be taking a hiatus from writing for the Patch. I can hear the sobs from here.

In an effort to make you all miss me, I shall just ramble on a bit, this week. I haven’t actually had time to read anything interesting or formulate a plan as to what I will cover this week, so instead, I’m going to ramble and slip in bits of news. My rambling train of thoughts are supposedly entertaining for my friends, and let’s see if it translates as well on to the computer.

I am well known amongst my friends for being a little bit odd. To talk to me is to be bombarded with sarcasm and pop culture references, ranging from the joys of listening to Busted to the finer points of ‘sass’ demonstrated by Katherine Hepburn. Surely, I’m not the only one who has that kind of brainstem?

Anyway, let’s start off with…Neighbours. The TV soap, that is. I heard about the threat about Neighbours moving to ITV (retch) or Five (bleugh) after, the BBC (*hugs*) refused to pay £70 000 for each episode. Fremantle, the Australian company that makes the show has not accepted the BBC’s offer of £25 000 per episode and the show is on the market. This makes a move to ITV quite likely, as they are rumoured to be willing to pay £80 000 per episode. Bastards. No, really, what bastards. I fucking love Neighbours. I love Paul, I love Harold, I love Sky and I love Susan. I even loved Izzy before she fucked off to make bad dance music. I will follow Neighbours to ITV, but I won’t like it, damn it. In fact, I will follow Neighbours to the end of the world, or hell. I forget how that line from Journey’s End goes. But, yes, Neighbours is my Stanhope and I am Neighbours’ Raleigh. I am young, inexperienced and naïve. Neighbours is old, experienced and a good teacher. It taught me that Paul Robinson will never change, despite the fact that every time he gets laid, he resolves to be a better man. It taught me that if you want to pretend your boyfriend is the father of your baby, then you should stay away from doctors with a tendency to fuck up the paternity results. Oh and never sleep with your ex’s brother. He’ll just become an alcoholic. I love Neighbours.

I dislike adverts, which is why I’m so upset at the thought of Neighbours leaving to a channel that has advertisement breaks. The adverts on Five are the worst. They range from car insurance adverts, to distance based learning courses, to loan companies and my personal favourite, injury claim specialists. That’s the kind of society we live in today. How depressing is that? Our lives have been reduced to car insurance, getting an IT qualification in the post (surely, you’ll need a computer too, ICS?) and claiming our employer caused us to spend a million, gazillion days at home after getting a paper cut. It depresses me. Where is the intellect in a Churchill car insurance advert? It’s a talking dog for fucks sake. If you are persuaded by a talking dog, then I don’t think you deserve to be able to drive.  If the new Earth like planet has intelligent life on it, I’m sure that should the said ‘aliens’ ever visit our Earth and only watched Five, they’d think we were all degenerates. Although, if they spent five minutes in Hounslow high street, they’d probably get the same impression, in less amount of time.

This leads me quite nicely, on to the theme of escape. I have wanted to escape from my town for as long as I can remember. I work very hard at school with that main objective in mind. So, when I go to university next year, as long as it’s better than here, I shall be happy. I am hoping to go to the University of Nottingham. It’s something that I’ve wanted for so long, that now that it’s finally here, I’m terrified. I’m looking at the accommodation forms, Facebook groups for 2007’s Freshers and course module list and I want to hide under my bed, instead. I’m feverishly excited but hideously terrified at the same time. I’m listening to the Killers’ Read My Mind and trying to psyche myself into ‘breaking out of this two star town’, but instead I find myself listening to Blondie’s Sunday Girl and realising that I’ll miss this place. I’ll miss Hounslow for all its crazies and litter. I’ll miss Neighbours on BBC One. I’ll miss the annoying adverts for loans on Five that upset my father during his daily Mission Impossible fix. The things that irritate you are also the things that shape your world. We are all a product of our time, kind of like the poet Blake. One day, a kid studying media will look at primitive blog articles like this one and say “she said this because of rising debt in British society.” That’s true, future kid. I’m a product of my time and for all my bitching and complaining, we could have turned out a lot worse.

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1 Comment »

  1. i’ll miss you denesha! good luck with your exams!

    Comment by Amie — April 30, 2007 @ 9:27 pm | Reply


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