The Patch

May 22, 2007

Tuesday 22nd May 2007.

Filed under: Celebrity/TV — Claire @ 1:50 pm

Well hello Patchers. All has been quiet on the Patchly front this past week, so despite my immense need to finish an essay on the construction of arguments in Sonnets, I intend to inform you of some very, very shocking televisual news.

Channel 5 has nabbed Neighbours. Myself and probably the entire nation of unemployed people/students (we’re one and the same, really) will no doubt be very saddened by this news, as we all remember what happened to Home & Away. ITV had it, Five thought ‘Yeah, we’ll have a bit of that’ and now? Nobody watches it. Certain people still can’t even get Five. What are they meant to do for their daily fix of Dr. Karl? Whistle, that’s what.

And it’s not just coverage that’s going to be a problem for the Neighbours fans amongst us. No. What about the adverts? The BBC doesn’t have them, and Five does. For a 25 minute programme that can’t end up as anything more than completely annoying.

Not only that, but Neighbours on the BBC is a British Institution. Since I was born in 1986, the BBC has been screening it, and as a child I’d come home from school and watch CBBC and then Neighbours. It’s the perfect Childhood combination. RUINED. By bloody Five!

So, from next Spring, the party is over. Evil Five will get their hands on our beloved Neighbours, Boyd and Sky will be forever consigned to the seedy depths of our lowliest television station. Unless, that is, all the people in the World were to sign this petiton. Which they won’t, but y’know, worth a try, eh?

Meanwhile, back on the ranch…

Joy! My favourite Hollywood couple since Brad and Jen have confirmed they are not splitting up. Yes, Brad and Ange. Yay! Now they can continue to adopt children from every country ever whilst looking fabulous and pouting, and all will be well.

In other news, probably the most unsurprising news of the century, Calum Best has cheated on Ms. Lohan and her epic boobs two weeks into their ‘romance’. For romance read our Lindsay being too drunk to tell Mr. Best, who’s seen more women than he’s caught planes, to piss off.

And finally, Sylvester Stallone has been fined for bringing 52 vials of banned steroids into Australia. I am aghast. Really. Who would have thought old Sly was on steroids? All 60 year old men look like that…don’t they?


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