The Patch

May 30, 2007

Wednesday 30th May 2007 – Big Brother is back.

Filed under: Celebrity/TV — Claire @ 11:02 pm

So then, Big Brother is back. And though I’m quite aware that the mostly Celebrity orientation of The Patch recently is making us start to resemble Heat Magazine, I don’t care much, and therefore here is our rundown on Big Brother 8 so far.

‘It’s ladies night‘ is what the tabloids will say tomorrow. For in a move which I for some bizarre reason had already predicted, this year’s first 11 housemates are all of the feminine variety. Should be fun come PMT time…Anyway, the females will be joined by a male on Friday. Oh the originality.

Anyway, on with our verdict on the Housemates.

First in, described aptly by my sister as the Liverpudlian Barbie twins, are Amanda and Sam, Big Brother UK’s first identical housemates. Great…as if you didn’t have enough on trying to figure out who’s who in the first few weeks, they throw in two people who look exactly the same. They’re already getting on my tits, proclaiming that they are a ten out of ten for attractiveness (presumably they’re not bright enough to know what that word means) and squealing at everything pink from the second they set foot in the house.

Next is ex-standup Comedienne and token old woman Leslie, the oldest ever UK housemate. Oh man, imagine the joy. Much as I love my Nanna, she doesn’t belong on a reality TV show and neither does Leslie, who counts her friends as Prince Charles and his Mrs. and appears to be deluded that she will win. On the contrary, she’ll be first out, you can bet on it.

And then comes Charley, who is apparently a London IT girl. I don’t like IT girls, and I don’t like her. Considering that she believes the most interesting thing she will bring to the house is ‘different hairstyles’, don’t expect to see her for long.

By now, I was wondering where all the men were. When I saw the next housemate, Tracey, I honestly thought she was one, albeit in a slightly unfortunate form. Appears to be the lovechild of Pete from last year and Bez from the Happy Mondays, which, as you might figure, is a far from attractive prospect. However, plus points do go to her for declaring her ideal housemate as Barry Scott of Cillit Bang fame, which is probably the best idea for a housemate I have ever heard.

Then came Chanelle. Chanelle appears to be psychotically obsessed with Victoria Beckham, informing us that when she goes out she tried to get at least two comments that she looks like the ex-Spice Girl. Why she does this is a complete mystery. I was hoping to like her when I heard she was from Wakefield (making her a Yorkshire girl like myself), but by the end of her intro I was pretty sure that her hope to give Yorkshire a good name just wasn’t going to happen.

And next, Shabnam. Shabnam, so far, appears quite uninteresting and I actually got distracted during her interview and therefore have no idea what the hell she said. However, as one of the most normal of the new housemates, I quite like her.

After that, we have Emily, who appears to be an exact clone of previous series housemates Nush and Shell, mostly because she’s rich and blonde. Quite boring.

Next is our household’s favourite, Laura, from Wales. Mostly because she seems the most normal and natural of the contestants, and this makes her, in my eyes, a strong favourite for the win.

Nicky came next…there isn’t really a lot to say about her. She would choose vodka over men, making her seem like either a lesbian or an alcoholic.

And finally, Carol, a 57 year old from the WooWooWoo region of East London. Carol scares me, but the audience like her. She is anti-war, sort of a pensioner version of previous contestant Kitten, if you will. She is also bisexual, which is confusing because it scares me to think that either sex might be interested in her…She went to a Scissor Sisters concert dressed as a mobile phone and is clearly a fruit loop.

And that’s that…They look interesting, but why Davina McCall thinks we need to know what their favourite cheese is is as yet uncertain. Regardless, prepare to say goodbye to Summer!



  1. “Shabnam, so far, appears quite uninteresting and I actually got distracted during her interview and therefore have no idea what the hell she said.”

    Thank god it wasn’t just me that did that. She does seem nice enough though. Just rather… Plain so far.

    Comment by Landa — May 30, 2007 @ 11:42 pm | Reply

  2. i am oh so extactically happy to report i missed the whole thing and if im really really really really really lucky i’ll miss the rest of it too, living out the rest of this god awful show blissfully unaware who did what to who, who’s argued with whom and so on an so forth, unfortunately i am not that lucky and when i rack my brain the only way i can think of missing everything is to hide away in a cave, but im sure even then when it’s all over and i can come out of my blissful hibernation some one will say “did you watch big brother? i cant believe so n so won” then i will have to kill them! bit of a rant but i just dont see the point of the show anymore

    Comment by andy — May 31, 2007 @ 3:11 pm | Reply

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