The Patch

June 19, 2007

Tuesday 19th June 2007.

Filed under: Celebrity/TV — Claire @ 11:02 pm

Apologies for the lack of me around these parts recently. End of year University essays have taken precedent and left me with precious little time in which to look for Celebrity and Televisual news. But, for the few of you that might have inexplicably missed my ramblings, I am back. Aren’t you overjoyed?

Firstly, then, I must profess my dismay that John Bardon, who plays Jim Branning in Eastenders, has had a stroke. Ok, so Eastenders these days is about as exciting as watching Big Brother, but Jim Branning must NEVER die. And nor must Dot.

Secondly, Tom Cruise is populating the World with Scientologists, utilising the pretty bird off Dawson’s Creek. He must be stopped.

And he’s not the only one repopulating. Julia Roberts, everyone’s favourite prostitute portraying actress, has also produced a mini version. And it’s her third, how many does she need?

Not as many as Brangelina, it seems, who are purported to be looking to adopt again. Soon, all the World’s children shall be theirs.

Meanwhile, David Gest is not respawning. Thank God. What he is doing, reportedly, is appearing in Hollyoaks. As you do. No part has yet been found but it’s sure to be interesting. Maybe he’ll kill Clare off if she miraculously survives…

In Big Brother, since our last meeting, one housemate has been kicked out for racism, and not a lot else has happened. The producers currently seem to be playing ‘Let’s see how many housemates we can fit in’. No more, damnit, and if you will insist on putting more talentless wannabes in please God let them be mildly entertaining. You’d think out of 15 housemates, one of them would do SOMETHING. Wrong! It’s Big Brother 4 all over again.

And finally, Bernard Manning (that’s Manning, not Matthews, he didn’t own any turkeys) has died. A man labelled as a racist because of controversial jokes, it is doubtful he will be missed by many. If God is a black man, he’s screwed.


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